Loneliness
by israelianbabe15
Summary: Jesse/Shelby... She was his mentor, his muse and in some way, the only real friend he had ever had. NEW CHAPTER
1. Prolog

Loneliness.

The look on her face when she smiled at him. He would never forget it. It was like she could look right through him, always making sure he was okay. She never had to ask, she just knew.

Everytime he had a problem, she knew. She saw it in his eyes, being the only one that saw his actual emotions behind his showface.

He always tried to hide his feelings from everybody, but she would know everything about him by just looking into his eyes. She never said a word though, knowing he would come to her when he felt like it. He always did.

Sometimes he would stay after rehearsal and just talk to her, tell her what bothered him. She made him sing his pain away.

The pain of being lonely, while his parents were on a business trip.

The pain of being lonely, while his parents were at home, but didn't care about him in any way.

The pain of being lonely, while talking to his friends in school, knowing they weren't real friends and they just liked him, because he was a star.

The pain of being lonely at rehearsals, while he was standing in the too bright spotlight without anyone beside him, because noone could ever be as great as him.

He sang it away, she played the piano.

It was like he could leave the reality behind for an hour or two, by just being with her.

Sometimes they sang a duet and he actually felt like she could be the one standing next to him in the spotlight. She deserved it. Her voice was made for the stage.

She was his mentor, his muse and in some way, the only real friend he had ever had.

Their hours in the auditorium made him forget about everything and everyone. He couldn't care less about the outside while he was with her.

When he went home, he always smiled. Part of him stayed with her everytime he left.

He would see her in school the next day, passing her in the hallway. He would greet her and think about their last private meeting, and smile again.

Sometimes it would be weeks between these meetings, two or three, maybe four weeks.

He would come when he needed her, both of them knew that.

When he was alone at night, he thought of her, how it would be if she was there, if he was with her. It wasn't really sexual, she was his closest friend, although he knew she was totally gorgeous.

Sometimes he thought she was the key to his loneliness.

He thought about her, when he was alone, when he was with others who didn't really care and even when he was with her, but they weren't alone.

At rehearsals they were always professional, keeping their distance. There were compliments here or there, but all in all she treated him like everyone else.

And after rehearsals he would come to her again, sit down on the piano bench beside her and talk to her, then sing to her, then sing with her.

It had never been something sexual...

...'til now!

TBC

A/N: Comments? I don't even know where I'm going with this, so please comment and tell me where you might want it to go^^! Hope there are not too many mistakes in here. Still need a BETA! luv u guys!


	2. Bon Jovi

A/N: I'm giving up! Have to do that freaking school project that leaves me printing 48 pages, that are made in a book later... well, I have to print these 48 pages three times, so we can get 3 damn books out of it!... and my dad's printer is slow as hell! And my father is getting on my nerves everytime he comes into the room! But i'll write now^^ because maybe it'll make me calm down a bit, so I can actually survive printing this crappy project!

where was I? …

Chapter two:

One Friday after rehearsals, he stayed again.

As usual they sat down on the piano bench to talk.

"You know, sometimes I think you're the only person I can talk to, that wont judge me! When my parents came home yesterday, they didn't even ask how my day was! They have never seen any of my performances! They don't encourage me to work harder! They just don't seem to care about me in any way!" Jesse knew they worked hard, but he wanted them to be there for him too.

"They want to make you happy with the money they earn. You remember how they donated money to our school? That money went mostly to VA. They make it possible for you, to live your dream, even if it doesn't seem like it." She had always helped him understand his parents better and he was glad she was there to do so.

"Maybe I've been too hard on them. But I just want them to show some little interest in what I do. You do that all the time and you have a job, too. I don't care about the money they give me, I just want them to tell me how my performance was, or something. Did you know, that they didn't even want to meet Rachel? I don't think they even knew I had a girlfriend, even though almost everyone in town knew. They give a damn about my feelings and think they can make up for it with money, but it sure as hell doesn't work."

"You need someone to tell you how your performance was? It's my job to do that. It's my job to encourage you and it's my job to know if you're sleeping with a girl from another team. What would it help you if your parents gave you a wrong review of your performance, just because they don't know better? I am a professional and you should care more about my critics than theirs! I know that sounds harsh, but the world is not a pony club! Open your eyes Jesse! Family won't always be there for you, your producer and manager will, as much as your fans! Trust me, it gets easier by the time you don't see them anymore. I went through this too!" Shelby had stopped trying to convince him that his parents had their own way of showing affection. She choose the only thing she could think of, that could get him out of his funk... his future.

"And with producer and manager you obviously meant yourself right? Because I'm not going to life this dream without you!"

"Aw, you're sweet! But honestly, I can't be around all the time. You'll need a manager and a producer that aren't me. You have my number, you know where I life and I'm gonna see some of your shows. All in all this is your dream, not mine. I'll stay here in Lima, keeping an eye on future starlets and win more competitions 'till I die." She felt like someone stabbed her and killed her dreams again. Thinking of him, becoming a star made her remember her way to stardom, that didn't really work out. "But you will go to Broadway, become a star, mention me when you accept your first Tony, and sooner or later you'll forget about Lima, your parents, Rachel, VA, but hopefully not me, because if you ever forget to mention me while getting an award, I'll hunt you down!"

She had made him smile. On days like this, she was the only one who could ever make him smile. "I will never forget you! How could I? Sometimes you are the only thing that keeps me going."

It was ironic, how true that sentence was. She was the person who always helped him. She had seen every single performance he ever had ever done. When he woke up in the morning she was the first thing he thought about and when he went to bed at night, she was the last thing he thought about. In some way, he felt much better when he was with her and kept seeking her company.

"Okay, you smiled! Let's keep it that way. Sing me… hm... Bon Jovi – Bed of Roses"

And she started playing the melody, while he sang along.

It was the perfect moment. Close enough that their thighs touched, he almost forgot the lyrics to the song. Almost. He would still know these words even if he was suffering from amnesia.

At some points he looked over at her and couldn't help but smile. She was so beautiful, even if she didn't try in that moment. She looked happy, even though he knew she hadn't been happy in a while. All this Rachel-stuff going on made it impossible for her to smile and be nice to anyone. He had always been the exception. He was her star, she could never be harder on him than needed.

When he finished the song and she played the last notes, they looked at each other and for one moment they felt more than friendship for each other. When they sang their duet, "Make a Memory" by Bon Jovi, they knew something had changed.

If it was just this moment, or if it had changed slowly over the time they knew each other, they didn't know, but something wasn't the same anymore.

Throughout the song, they often looked at each other, focusing less on the others eyes, but more on the lips. Neither of them could describe it, but there was a little spark or something, that made them feel weird. It was almost like they had fallen in love, or something.

…

TBC

A/N: Well, it's still not finished printing. I might be sitting here all night, which is **totally fine**...(sometimes Irony takes over my body and I can't help it)! Hope you liked it! There's more to come, but only if I get reviews, because they make me wanna write more^^

so REVIEW ^^


	3. Make a Memory

A/N: what a weird day... sitting at home... sick … reading my own stories, because there are not enough Jesse/Shelby stories out there... trying to find out where I want to go with this story... hm... i'll just start.

_Throughout the song, they often looked at each other, focusing less on the others eyes, but more on the lips. Neither of them could describe it, but there was a little spark or something, that made them feel weird. It was almost like they had fallen in love, or something. _

…

_**JelbyJelbyJelbyJelby**_

Sitting on that piano bench, looking at each others lips from time to time as they sang the last lines of their song, they couldn't help but notice that they were not only sitting a little closer than the other times, but they were leaning in almost enough to kiss.

They knew it wasn't a good idea, but they couldn't help it.

Feeling his breath on her skin just lightly above her mouth, seeing his eyes look right into hers for a moment, her heart started racing. She almost forgot that he was a student and that she was supposed to be the adult. It meant she would have to stop him from kissing her, tell him how wrong this was and make him leave. But she didn't want to. She wanted him to feel good, to be happy and relaxed. Her stopping him would only make him feel unwanted and sad, she imagined.

For a second they stopped leaning in. He needed to know if she was okay with this, if she wanted this to happen. She saw the questioning look in his eyes. _Should I stop?_ And she leaned in the last few millimeters, answering his question with a kiss.

_**JelbyJelbyJelbyJelby**_

The truth was, she didn't want him to stop. She wanted this as much as he did, although her thinking this was totally inappropriate while him thinking this could count as a crush.

He honestly didn't have a crush on her, he just felt like she knew him better than anyone else did and he knew she liked spending time with him, so he wanted to to be as close to her as possible. She was the only female human being he had ever really bothered listening to all the time. Even the girlfriends he had had weren't worth it, he thought. He needed Shelby in his life and he would do anything to keep her there. In that moment he felt like showing her how much she meant to him, how much he needed her and how good she made him feel. He tried putting all this into one kiss, thinking there may not be a second one.

_**JelbyJelbyJelbyJelby**_

The kiss ended as soft as it had begun. Sure it had been passionate in some places, while he needed her to understand how good she made him feel, but it was mostly soft and intimate, showing her how much she really meant to him and how much he needed her.

When they broke the contact, he looked her straight in the eyes and smiled sweetly.

She couldn't help but shiver slightly, as she realized that this was real and he was really with her.

All these dreams she had had about him, were finally coming true, or at least they were about to, she thought. She had always pushed these thoughts aside, remembering he was a student and she might go to jail for this. But right in that moment she couldn't stop herself from being happy for a second and god knows she hadn't been happy in a very long time.

She held his gaze for about two minutes, then she finally realized that it was midnight and they should both be heading home. "Jesse, your... your parents are waiting for you." Talking was still a little hard.

"Sure, … I'll see you tomorrow, Ms. Corcoran!"

With that he was gone, walking out of the auditorium, looking back before closing the door behind him. She still sat there, trying to think, not really succeeding. She needed to find a solution for the problem she had just gotten into, although it didn't really feel like a problem yet.

She had just kissed her student, showing him she felt that connection too, finding out how strong that connection really was. It was totally inappropriate, but somewhat inevitable. He was her star and she should have known better than to kiss him. It could effect him more than it should. Maybe he would try to establish a relationship with her, or he might never want to see her again in order to not wanting to get hurt. Any way, she would have made a fault. She just hoped he would understand that this was how far they would get. One kiss was enough, it had to be. She didn't want him to lose his reputation or anything, so they had to keep it professional. If he wanted her to, she would still be there for him and have these private meetings with him, but without kissing and without any touching.

She hoped he would be okay with this, because she would never forgive herself, for hurting her star.

…

TBC

A/N: Wow, This chapter was really hard to write, at first I didn't even know if I didn't even want to let the kiss happen, but I decided I would let them kiss, while I was already writing.

My mom just came home and she promised me she would watch glee with me. She's not very good at understanding English, but she gets used to it. We'll watch Hell-O and Dream On … my favorite episodes! ^^ so I'm gonna upload this now and write more to it later.

**One last thing: I want reviews! They make me happy and if I'm happy I write more! So it's win-win !^^ AND I still need a BETA ! because I'm German and I know my English isn't perfect! **

**Luv ya...**


	4. Coffee and Jealousy

Seeing them together made her stomach ache. She did everything to never cross their path, but sometimes luck just wasn't on her side.

She walked down the street to her favorite coffee shop, thinking about yesterdays rehearsals and how fucked up her team was without Jesse. She desperately needed coffee. Sometimes she thought she needed Jesse just to make her team win, to have a star that can blow the audiences minds. He had always been able to blow her mind, when he sang and she was sure her team was better when he was with them. Not only because he was the star, but because they tried harder when he was around. On the other hand, he was the only person she really trusted, so her decision to send him to Rachel was the best she could make. Noone else on her team would ever do that for her.

Knowing her coffee shop was right around the corner, she smiled to herself. Jesse would be back soon. He would find a way to make Rachel search her mother and then he would come back to Carmel, where he belonged.

Walking around the corner, she noticed a couple on the other side of the street. They were on their way to the coffee shop too and as soon as they came closer, Shelby recognized them.

She walked a little slower and was glad there were other people on the street so he wouldn't see her. She had never seen Jesse with his daughter before, at least not hand in hand, flirting like a couple in their honeymoon. When she saw them enter the coffee shop, she decided to stay outside and watch them for a second.

They waited in line and Jesse started looking around, while Rachel tried to decide what to drink. Jesse knew this was Shelby's favorite coffee shop and although he knew they wouldn't even be able to talk freely while Rachel was there, he felt the need to see her. He wanted to talk to her again, even if it was just smalltalk, because he hadn't seen her in what felt like ages.

Standing outside, watching him scanning the room, having one arm around her daughter, Shelby couldn't help but be a little jealous. She missed him more than she had ever thought possible.

She remembered the time where Jesse stayed longer after rehearsals, where they used to have private meetings now and then. The meeting where they had kissed came back to her mind. The day after she had told him that they should stop meeting in private and that there would never be more to their relationship. He had understood.

They had stayed some kind of friends, although without much talking, but when Shelby needed someone to get the tape to Rachel he had been there. He had never doubted her in any way and even in the situation where she had told him to go to McKinley High he hadn't objected. His reasons were simple. She had always helped him with his problems, she had always listened to him and he knew she would be there for him everytime he needed her.

In the coffee shop they were slowly coming closer to the counter, while there were still three people in front of them. Rachel seemed to have made a decision on what coffee she wanted and stood on her toes, telling Jesse what she wanted and then kissed him slightly.  
Outside, Shelby's heart began racing. She had kissed these lips before, she had a clear memory of it stored somewhere in the back of her head. It felt weird, seeing her daughter kiss the guy she would love to be with, if it wasn't so damn wrong. She knew she shouldn't be jealous, but she couldn't help it.

Lost in her thoughts she almost didn't see them buy their coffee and make their way to the door. She turned on her heels and started walking away from the coffee shop.

As Jesse and Rachel closed the door behind them, he saw his mentor walking down the street, her steps faster than usual and her head down. He missed her like hell and he couldn't help but think about how she must have felt. _I should stop taking Rachel here! It's Shelby's favorite coffee shop. It must hurt to see your daughter and not be able to talk to her the way you want!_

With that he put an arm around Rachel and they started walking home. He needed to find a way to make the reunion take place as fast as he could. Because Shelby needed her daughter and Jesse needed Shelby, even if he would never have her the way he wanted to.

…

TBC

A/N: when I started writing this, I thought it would be a separate fic, but it turned out to be a chapter of this one, because I felt like putting them together. That thought came to me, while I was about halfway through^^

REVIEW … and tell me if you want to see them together in the end, or if you want them to life separate lives.


	5. Love

The reunion itself had been pretty easy. Giving Rachel the tape, he had felt weird for a moment. Rachel said she wasn't ready and that made him feel totally selfish. He only did this to make Shelby happy, although he should have done it for Rachel, too.

He had decided to overrule Rachel while he was sitting in Shelby's car, watching her cry. He made his girlfriend listen to the tape and left her alone in that moment. Standing outside her room, listening to Shelby's voice, all the memories came back. Their private meetings, their duets, the kiss. It had been almost three months since then and he couldn't help but miss her more every second.

He had left Rachel's house, knowing he would only come back there to break up with her.

When Mother and Daughter had finally met, it broke his heart to see Shelby was still not happy. He had only done this for her, he had wanted to see her smile. She had said Rachel was too old. She didn't need a mother anymore.

Jesse had never seen his teacher more depressed. Her daughter was a grownup now. She had no chance to be part of her learning process anymore and she thought she had nothing to give her child.

_**JelbyJelbyJelbyJelby **_

Love was never easy, but the worst part was that it made you jealous of people you shouldn't be jealous of. Rachel was her daughter and Jesse's girlfriend. At some point Shelby might have been a little too jealous of her daughter. In that second she had made up her mind. Rachel was an adult now. She had a boyfriend, so she didn't need a mother anymore. Even when Jesse broke up with her, Shelby still felt that way, thinking her daughter wouldn't have any problems finding someone.

_**JelbyJelbyJelbyJelby**_

Jesse saw how uncomfortable Shelby was with the situation. She had never been this depressed, although she had always been some kind of sad.

He had been the first person to know about Rachel and he was the only one who helped her.

Seeing how she still wasn't better, he couldn't help but wonder how he could make her happy. He wanted to see her smile again, so he needed a plan.

_**JelbyJelbyJelbyJelby**_

After rehearsal he stayed, figuring that his private meetings had always helped him, so they might as well help her.

He went up to her desk and waited for her to finish writing something.

When she was finished she looked up and directly into his eyes. "What do you want?"

She wasn't really angry at him, she was just tired and depressed, how else should she react.

"I wanted to talk to you and maybe we could... maybe we should sing something. I mean it helped me, why shouldn't it help you?"

"That's cute Jesse, really, but I think I will go home. I'll see you tomorrow?"

With that she wanted to leave, but Jesse held her back with one hand, bringing her a bit closer in the process. "I just want to help you. You seem really depressed and I thought maybe I could get your mind off of some things."

In fact, the only thing she wanted to get her mind off of was him. The kiss was still stuck in her head, giving her chills everytime she thought about it. His hand on her arm and his concerned look didn't help, they made it worse.

"I'm sorry Jesse. I just think this wont help us in any way. When I said we should keep our distance I meant it, I still do. Go home, get some rest, try to think about your own problems, not mine."

But he still wouldn't let her go. Instead he pulled he a little closer and started a hug, that didn't help her either. At least not her brain. Her heart was feeling much better now.

She could smell his cologne and she started feeling like a teenager again, doing something really wrong.

When he brought some distance between them again, he could feel she didn't really want to let go. Part of her still liked him and his heart began racing when he realized how much that meant to him.

He didn't bring too much distance between them. His arms were still around her and her hands were still at his upper arms.

He brought one hand up to her face, caressing her chin softly. For a second it felt like the world stopped around them, while she looked into his eyes and smiled.

Taking her smile as the permission for some more contact, he started leaning in to kiss her. She didn't object and together they closed the gap between them.

The kiss was soft and intimate, almost like a dream. In comparison to their first kiss, this one was deepened very fast.

They began exploring each others mouths, while their hands ran over each others bodies. It was nice to feel wanted again, to feel needed.

In that moment non of them cared how inappropriate it was, they only wanted to be close to each other.

Breaking the kiss in need for oxygen, they smiled at each other, knowing that they couldn't stop this even if they wanted to. Their connection was too strong, there were too many feelings involved. They needed to find a way to establish a relationship and keep it a secret from everyone else.

_**JelbyJelbyJelbyJelby **_

Given the fact that they were great actors and perfect liars, they succeeded in keeping their love a secret for the rest of the year.

Jesse's graduation made their love some kind of legal. She wasn't his teacher anymore, but still nobody could find out that they had started having sex, while he was still a student.

When she left Carmel High, she had to find some excuse for her leaving, so she said she had to take care of a friend. She told Rachel the same thing, not wanting to hurt her by telling her she was going to live with Jesse.

They moved to LA. Jesse had a scholarship and Shelby got a job as the director of a local production of Wicked.

In LA, nobody cared about their age difference and they could go out anytime and anywhere they wanted.

The End. or TBC?

A/N: I don't know if I should write more to this, or even what I should write. Tell me what you think and tell me what you would like to read in a possible next chapter. REVIEW!


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